“Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story” Lynn C. Tolson blog

I am often asked why I wrote such a revealing memoir. We are accustomed to keeping our secrets, hiding our flaws, and stuffing our feelings. After all, what will people think of us? The truth is, it took me twenty years to write my story. When I was in my twenties, my therapist told me I had a story to tell that would help others to find hope. However, it was not until my forties, when another therapist offered the same suggestion, that I took it seriously. I wrote what has become Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story, which chronicles my personal counseling sessions. I was motivated to publish by the concept that the problems I discussed in therapy are universal. My desire to encourage others to seek healing became greater than my need to remain private.
Interview question/answer from the newsletter re: Missouri Coalition Against Sexual Abuse (for the full article, go to http://www.beyondthetears.com/media/3.html
Q) Why did you decide to write a book? Was it difficult writing about such a personal story?
A) (Lynn C. Tolson) The book [Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story] began by putting pen to paper in journal writing sessions. Themes emerged regarding the ramifications of sexual abuse, like drug addiction and suicide attempts. Eventually, a story of transformation to wholeness evolved. Journal writing was a cathartic experience. However, writing the book was difficult because I had to find the courage to face my fears: What would others think? What would my family think? But my conviction to tell the truth became greater than the difficulty of writing a personal story. I realized that I was writing about personal yet universal issues. My desire to share a message of healing from trauma became too strong to ignore; the book became my mission despite the difficulty. Sexual assault, addiction, and suicide are unsolved social problems that carry stigmas. The stigmas cast a code of silence that do not solve problems. The result from not speaking about the crime of sexual assault is too often tragic. Thus, there is a need for real stories of recovery. By bringing my dark secrets to light, it is my hope that others who have had similar events will know that they are not alone. Readers may explore their own emotions to open lines of communication, eliminate shame, and experience healing. I also hope that my book promotes understanding of the issues that cause individual suffering and plague our society. I wrote the book so that readers might:
BE INSPIRED
BREAK THE CYCLE
ELIMINATE SHAME
EXPLORE EMOTIONS
EXPERIENCE HEALING
PROMOTE UNDERSTANDING
OPEN LINES OF COMMUNICATION
IMPROVE CONDITIONS FOR OUR YOUTH

There are many ways to express yourself while you travel on your journey to hope and healing after abuse. I chose writing Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story. This book began with journals from my therapy sessions. Writing helped me process what I was learning in counseling. A book evolved that now helps others. In your healing, you may respond to listening rather than reading, drawing rather than writing, meditating rather than running. Try different methods of self-help. Know that you are not alone.

Review of Voices of Strength: An Audio Documentary for Survivors of Sexual Abuse and Domestic Violence, arranged by Haullie Free with songwriter/composer Natasha Lee.

Victims of interpersonal violence hear phrases from the perpetrator: “If you tell, I will kill you.” “If you tell, I will kill myself.” “If you tell, I will kill your parents.” Often, the perpetrator is the parent. Victims lose their voices within the fear of the threats. Some victims are silenced for decades, never knowing their authentic voice. The truth of their abuse vanishes within the far reaches of memory, but the body and soul remembers. Victims express the pain in self-destruction and self-injury, using drugs, alcohol, sex, and suicide. Victims may never realize that their shame and blame belongs to the perpetrator.
This is why the audio documentary is so important. Note the title of this CD: Voices of Strength. Victims use their strength to transform themselves into survivors. Survivors use their voices to release the secrets and shame. We hear the true stories from fifteen survivors. The words that we hear may be words that children who suffered had no knowledge of: Does a ten-year old know the definition of “incest?” Even with my personal experience and professional education, I feel the empathy when both men and women describe the abuse they endured as innocent children. Then, I hear that as adults, these survivors take back their power. They are no longer held hostage by threats of “don’t tell, or else.” Unlocked, unchained, survivors help the listener experience freedom too. We feel the relief that we are not alone. Whether one has been a victim of abuse, or knows a victim of abuse (or both), this documentary informs and inspires. We need to heal, and Voices of Strength provides a safe medium.
Background music augments the stories. The melody and cadence provided by Natasha Lee provides the listener with yet another way to hear the expressions of survivors. These are healthy ways to express our feelings: listening and learning, perhaps moved to create ourselves, or even re-create ourselves.
As a survivor of child sexual abuse, domestic violence, and suicide attempts, I used journal writing and book publishing to tell my story. Perhaps I have a way with words, but I am tone deaf. Voices of Strength gave me a shining bright light on my own (sometimes dark) healing path. Haullie Free is brilliant to conceive of this healing expression. She did the hard work of a wounded yet creative healer. She gave form to the voices of the brave and the music of an angel. Listen, and you will experience a measure of healing.

Here is what Haullie Free says of healing in her own words:
‘Voices of Strength’ gave me back my voice. Your healing will also give you back your voice. You don’t have to stay silent any longer. You are not alone, and you will never have to fear that loneliness again. We are here, we are listening, we are all united.”

Lavender Power is about the synergy between phenomenal women working together to end the abuse of violence and sex, and to heal. As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I find inspiration, information, and insight from the colorful and creative emagazine. You will find many different thriving women and many different healing themes. There are Lavender sisters all over the country, accomplishing whatever is the next level in their growth. We wear lavender bracelets to symbolize our unity and to remind us that we are not alone. Through Lavender Power you will find internet support forums, message boards, and chat rooms.  Be a part of the collective consciousness of survivors who are reaching out to you with hope and healing. My personal thank you goes to the dedicated women who provide this supportive emagazine to help others.

An author on the road… is often on the web. I was interviewed on blog talk radio for Survivor Radio Cafe (click to listen) The host was Haullie Free of Voices of Strength and Ginger Gillenwater, author of Surviving Jane. This blog talk radio show is dedicated to survivors of any trauma, and to those who support them. I spoke about the trauma of child sexual abuse and domestic violence, as well as their ramifications.  I’ve listened to the archives of other interviews, and Haullie and Ginger provide a relaxed atmosphere to talk about healing topics. There are problems that need to be solved in our society. Web radio offers yet another way to discuss those problems. Help yourself and others heal by listening, reading, and expressing yourself.

Dr. Kathleen Brooks (Make Life Meaningful) hosts a weekly web radio show. Breaking the Conspiracy of Silence is a talk show designed to both feature experts in the area of child sexual abuse and offer an arena for people who are concerned about this issue to discuss and share their experiences of courageously facing and healing this global epidemic.
Health Problems & Child Sexual Abuse: On 6/29/05, the guest was Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story. Lynn chronicled her experiences dealing with CSA, a suicide attempt and the health issues her abuse caused. She is now working on a memoir of her experience surviving breast cancer.

click here to listen

A Survivor’s Extraordinary Journey: On  2/9/05, the guest was Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story. Lynn is also an artist, workshop leader and a public speaker, as well as a breast cancer survivor. After divorcing an abusive husband she completed a degree in Social Work. She offers workshops for spiritual retreats and to breast cancer support groups.

click here to listen

Lynn C. Tolson about PTSD

The author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story, spoke at the “Moving Past Trauma” community outreach program in St. Joseph, MO. The program was designed to provide educational tools and information about posttraumatic stress disorder. Sexual assault and domestic violence may increase a risk for PTSD. Lynn spoke about the role of her counselors in the recovery process.

Lynn C. Tolson at MWSU

The author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story spoke at the Social Work Program Institute sponsored by the National Association of Social Work Insurance Trust. The conference was held at Missouri Western State University in St. Joseph, MO. Lynn spoke about “the use of narratives as a therapeutic tool to empower women who experience domestic abuse.” In other words, telling our stories loosens the tight hold they have over us.  Hearing others’ stories lets us know we are not alone. Lynn signed copies of her memoir during breaks and at lunch.

Lynn C. Tolson at YWCA

October is breast cancer awareness month. The author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story is a survivor of Stage II breast cancer. Lynn Tolson was the keynote speaker at the YWCA in St. Joseph, MO.  The catered luncheon was decorated in pink. The sponsors included ENCORE plus, which educates women about breast cancer, and helps to pay for mamograms for women who can’t afford one. Mammograms can detect lumps up to two years before they can be felt.

Lynn C. Tolson w Salli Culbreth

In September 2008 I attended a day-long seminar facilitated by Salli Culbreth. This seminar was held at the First Presbyterian Church in Colorado Springs, CO. Salli Culbreth, founder of the “Committed to Freedom” ministries, presented “for those who are impacted directly and indirectly by childhood abuse- physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual.” The church provided volunteer trained counselors in case an audience member needed additional help. Salli Culbreth is devoting her ministry to “providing spiritual tools to move beyond abuse.” I appreciated how the church sponsored the event, including lunch, as well as keeping the cost low so economics was not an issue for attendees. I commend Salli for dedicating her life to the awareness of and recovery from abuse.

Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story met film maker Angela Shelton in Boulder, Colorado. The documentary Searching for Angela Shelton was screened at the 1st Annual Boulder International Film Festival in 2005. After the show, Angela Shelton presented information on sexual abuse and domestic violence. Angela brings awareness to these topics with her unique film and dynamic style. Lynn and Angela also met at the Women’s Film Festival at Colorado College in Colorado Springs, CO